I.
Sobs trickled through the wall of wood. Deep, crooning cries spun in tendrils in the stagnant
air. David huddled, knees creating a resting platform for his chin, and attempted to banish
the sounds from his mind. The keening wails and incoherent babble that came from behind
the planks pulled and tugged at him, wanting words of kindness and comfort not the silence
that spanned between them. The desperate cries went unanswered and David would leave
them that way because boy’s don’t cry.
II.
Long, emerald strands of grass tickled his nose, while the corners of his lips turned up at the
ends. The boy -- more the young man, heaved a deep sigh his chest undulating as he did so.
Lying in the shade of a giant oak, David rested shirtless on his back cooling his soppy,
dripping skin from the festering heat. While he lay there soft grass brushing his tanned
torso, a mirage appeared before him. Maybe it was because of the heat or his overactive
imagination but the figure molded lifelike before him. Blinking his eyes quickly, David
realized who the figure was as it smiled back, perfect white teeth flashing. David choked
back a sob, tears tingeing the back of his eyes. David blinked again, the image was gone. He
willed his tears to stop, and his mouth to close, because boy’s don’t cry.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,820 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well this is quite an intriguing piece right off the bat, starting with just the title. Its immediately lets you know we're about to witness what is probably going to be a pretty sad scene especially since it seems we're going to get a bit of a young character that still lives by that principle in the title. The emotions on display right at the start only confirm that so much more strongly with how it is quite clearly tapping into this being a very emotional moment that this person here is doing their best to overcome, but its clearly quite overwhelming.
Well this is quite an intriguing piece right off the bat, starting with just the title. Its immediately lets you know we're about to witness what is probably going to be a pretty sad scene especially since it seems we're going to get a bit of a young character that still lives by that principle in the title. The emotions on display right at the start only confirm that so much more strongly with how it is quite clearly tapping into this being a very emotional moment that this person here is doing their best to overcome, but its clearly quite overwhelming.
Hmm I was expecting things to swing in this chapter to give it more of an arc, but it seems we've got more of a continual dive in this story as we've got the situation getting possibly worse and that emotion on display only getting ever stronger and more pronounced. Its a powerful moment to be ending on and I think the slight almost acceptance we see there right at the very end works quite well for an ending here despite it being mostly just the one tone throughout.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
A powerful piece. Lovely written. I like how each part ended with "because boys don't cry"
This was the hottest story that I've ever read. THIS WAS SO GREAT!!!
Nothing more said, I might have bad taste in some peoples opinion but the first line is what nailed me to the wall and made me watch.
I liked this CL...I think I also have an idea you could use it may be a little bit too over used though. Anyways, my idea would be if you were to write more, you could add the story into it like to the separate paragraphs. Just an idea though. Can't wait for more!
thanks for the review. no, not inspired by the cure, but that does give me an idea.
cheers CL
Liked it. Inspired by the Cure, by any chance?